Do you Experience ‘Day-off Anxiety’ or Stress when Relaxing?

What is ‘day-off-anxiety’ or ‘stress-laxing’?

It is not uncommon for people to experience ‘day off anxiety’ or ‘stress-laxing’, which refers to the anxiety experienced when you take time off from work, study or responsibilities to relax. This often results in feelings of exhaustion, burnout and lack of enjoyment on our days off, weekends or holidays.

Why do we feel stressed on our days off?

In Australia, the predominant cultural belief is that productivity and busyness equals success. Consequently, taking time off from work or other responsibilities can trigger feelings of guilt, worry about how you’ll be perceived, or fear of not doing enough. This can be reinforced if you work in an environment where long hours and overworking are normalised or expected.

Many of us also have internalised beliefs about our self-worth being linked to our work identity. Early experiences and education often emphasise the importance of achievement and productivity. Children may be praised for their academic performance or extracurricular accomplishments, leading them to associate self-worth with achievement.  Recognition from peers, higher management, or society can reinforce the idea that professional success directly correlates with personal worth. This validation may lead individuals to seek constant affirmation through their work, making it hard to set boundaries around work time or workload.

When we are lucky enough to have a day off, maybe a few, it is natural to anticipate catching up on chores, life admin and social commitments. However, this expectation adds pressure to our rest day. By setting standards or a series of tasks we feel we ‘should’ or ‘must’ do with our time off, we can end up feeling agitated, fatigued, or as though we’re ‘not enough’, if we don’t meet our expectations. If you add to this a sense of obligation to ‘just quickly check’ your work emails, or wonder how they’re coping without you, this creates a perfect storm that prevents you from feeling rejuvenated but your time off.

What is the impact of ‘day-off-anxiety’ or ‘stress-laxing’?

The effect of our productivity culture, internalized beliefs, and self-imposed expectations is that it normalizes work-life imbalance. It promotes a lack of sleep, minimal time off, long work/study hours, and high cortisol levels. Although we intuitively know there is much more to life, growing up and existing in this environment makes it difficult to consider life outside of work, productivity and money.

Psychologists observe the risks of living this way in people presenting with anxiety, depression, burnout and work stress, low self-esteem, or self-identity issues.

How can we reduce ‘day-off-anxiety’ or ‘stress-laxing’?

Psychologists suggest the following tips to manage the stress associated with taking time off work or study. These six tips involve approaching your time off with conscious attention and mindfulness to get the most out of your days off.

1. Plan your days off

Before you go into autopilot and move through your chores, errands or social list, take a moment to consider what you truly value. What are the deeper things you care about? What enriches your life or sparks joy? What makes you feel restored or energised? Who is it that you want to be, and what values do you want to live by? Ensuring your time away from work aligned with your values will help make your time off more meaningful and restorative.

Clinical psychologist, researcher, and lecturer Dr Anastasia Hronis suggests that before your day off, you should be able to nominate the kind of day you want, which will usually fall into one of the following categories:

• low effort (lying by a pool, watching a movie, running a bath)
• pleasurable (having a massage, taking yourself out for a meal)
• meaningful (a long hike, quality time with a loved one, developing a new skill).

Meaningful activities are the ones most likely to align with your values. They might take a bit more effort and involve some discomfort. However, they will cultivate satisfaction and eudemonic happiness, whereas the first two categories satisfy hedonic happiness. Both hedonic and eudemonic happiness are important to leading a fulfilling life and your days off should include a bit of both to balance out the life admin.

2. Do something that you would not usually do

I often fall into the trap of doing the same things on my days off. I usually go for a swim, eat a hearty brunch at home or, if I’m feeling flush, at a café. I often run errands, see a friend for a wine, or cook a slow meal at home. I’ve been doing the same thing on my days off forever. It’s been so long that it is predictable and no longer feels like a day off but a kind of job, albeit leisurely. This could be one of the reasons I seldom feel restored after my days off.

Your days off should be different from your work days. For example, I often work alone or from home, so my days off should be outside and social. My partner spends his time in the CBD in a large office five days a week and craves green spaces, basic mornings, and slowness. If you are a hospitality or shift worker, you’re likely going to want to be physically restful and gentle compared with an office worker who spends a lot of time sitting.  Invite variety into your days off so that you feel balanced.

3. Say ‘no’ to things that you do not want to do

This is one I am rather good at; some might say a little too good. Many people let others encroach on and dictate the look of their days off, and this is often because the person finds it hard to say ‘no’. However, learning to do so, to say a firm no, is the only way you can protect your time.

4. Say ‘goodbye’ to technology and social media 

An easy way of making your day off feel serene and stretched is to limit or remove technology and social media which can swallow time in great gulps.

5. Trust your gut

You know yourself better than anyone else. Listen to your gut instinct and pay attention when a task, activity, or person makes you feel agitated. Check your expectations around it. One thing you must be on your day off is selfish. Snatch and protect your rest because the world isn’t going to give it to you.

6. Embrace imperfection

A common cause of guilt is the idea of non-urgent tasks being left undone. I  was prone to feeling this until I realised the world would not stop and I would not lose my job, if I left a few non-urgent emails for a few days. Few tasks are more important than your well-being. Learn to prioritise, delegate, and exercise restraint. Sit with the discomfort of not being ‘perfect’ by clocking off without all tasks, emails or phone calls finished.

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Do you resonate with being productive but feeling constantly stressed out at the same time? You might like to read more about high functioning anxiety. If you’ve tried time and time again to have relaxing days off, but continue to struggle despite your efforts, this might indicate there are deeper reasons why you personally find it hard to switch off. In this case, talking to someone about your circumstances and experiences can help. We are a team of warm and empathetic psychologists who are experienced in anxiety and stress treatments, including CBT for anxiety, along with mindfulness-based treatments and many others. Contact us today to be matched to a psychologist who suits your needs and preferences.