How to Talk to Your Partner About Their Mental Health

“I need to talk to you,” a friend whispers in my ear while everyone else around the dinner table is too busy in their conversations. My heart skips a beat, and my thoughts instantly go to the worst-case scenario. A little later, my friend and I find a quiet moment together, where she shares her concerns about her partner. She had noticed that they had been more distant and low lately, that they had withdrawn from their usual activities, and they just hadn’t been themselves (sounds familiar? Read more here on identifying depression in your partner)

“I’m so worried, what do I do? I want to talk to them about what I’ve noticed, but I just have no idea where to start.”

How do you start this conversation? I ask myself. We all go through ups and downs in life, but when you notice your partner struggling for a prolonged period, it’s natural to feel concerned. If you suspect your partner is struggling with their mental health, bringing it up in a supportive and non-judgmental way can make all the difference. Here are some of the practical steps I was able to pass along to my friend to help them have the delicate conversation.  

Choose the Right Time and Place

Timing is everything when discussing sensitive topics. Bringing up your concerns in the middle of an argument or when your partner is visibly stressed may make them defensive. Instead, pick a calm and private moment when you’re both relaxed and free from distractions.

A good time might be during a quiet evening walk, while sitting together at home, or even during a car ride where eye contact isn’t as intense. Being side by side, rather than facing your loved one, can feel less confrontational. The goal is to create a comfortable environment where your partner feels safe and heard.

Use Gentle and Open-Ended Language

How you phrase your concerns can determine how your partner responds. Rather than making statements that sound like accusations (e.g., “You’ve been acting weird lately”), frame your observations with care. Try something like:

• “I’ve noticed you seem a bit down lately, and I just wanted to check in. How have you been feeling?”
• “You haven’t seemed like yourself. How have you been travelling?”
• “I care about you, and I’ve been noticing some changes. I want to support you in any way I can.”

Open-ended questions encourage conversation, while gentle phrasing reassures your partner that your concern comes from love, not criticism.

Listen Without Trying to ‘Fix’

One of the most valuable things you can do is simply listen. If your partner opens up, resist the urge to jump in with solutions right away. Instead try to focus on every word that they say using all of your senses. Validating their feelings indicates that you have truely listened to what they have said. If you are unsure on how to do this, you can try by saying things like:

• “That sounds really tough. I’m here for you.”
• “I appreciate you sharing this with me.”

If they seem hesitant to talk, let them know you’re available whenever they’re ready, and remind them they don’t have to go through this alone.

Non-Verbal and Verbal Encouragements

Talking about our mental health can be hard at times, especially with those that we are close to. If your partner is ready to open up, there are things you can do throughout the conversation to encourage them. Non-verbal encouragement can include things like holding gentle eye contact (not completely avoiding their eyes, but not staring too intensely), nodding your head, and having your body language and facial expression convey a calm and relaxed demeanor (even if you are feeling anxious on the inside).

You can also add small verbal encouragements throughout the conversation, like “I see”, “Can you tell me more about that?”, and “Okay”. Encouragements show the other person that you are engaged in what they are saying and you want to hear more about this.

Mirroring

When someone is struggling with their mental health, they may feel isolated, misunderstood, or even ashamed. Mirroring helps to counteract those feelings by offering validation and empathy without judgment. Mirroring the other person can also help create deeper connections, promote openness, and decrease defensiveness. It does this by creating a shared experience, demonstrating that we are “with” them and connected. You can practice mirroring by subtly matching the other person’s tone and pace of speech, sitting in a similar position to them, and matching the amount of eye contact they’re offering you.

Offer Support, Not Pressure

It can be tempting to push your partner toward seeking professional help right away, but they may not be ready. Instead of saying, “You need to see a therapist,” try a more supportive approach:

• “Would you be open to talking to someone about this? I can help you find someone like a psychologist if you’d like.”
• “I know this might feel overwhelming, but I’ll be right by your side through it.”

This keeps the conversation open while allowing your partner to take the next steps at their own pace.

Take Care of Yourself Too

Supporting a loved one through mental health struggles can be emotionally taxing. Make sure you also have support—whether it’s through friends, family, or a psychologist of your own. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and prioritising your own well-being will allow you to be a better support system for your partner. 

Making sure that you engage in self-care will help with this. Although, even after engaging in regular self-care, there are times when we may need a little extra support, such as speaking with a a professional. Caring and supporting a loved one can take a toll. Talking with a psychologist can provide a non-judgemental space to explore your own feelings, manage stress, and develop healthy coping strategies. It can also help you set boundaries, build emotional resilience, and find ways to support your loved one without neglecting your own well-being. If you are concerned around trying to find a psychologist, this blog post has some great tips!

In Summary

Starting this conversation might feel intimidating, but remember: your concern and support can be a lifeline for your partner. Approach the discussion with empathy, patience, and an open heart. Even if they aren’t ready to talk right away, knowing you’re there for them can make all the difference.

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If you’d like to read more about how to talk about and support loved ones with their mental health (including children), the Black Dog Institute has a collection of resources here. If you or your partner feel ready to talk with a psychologist, you can reach out to our admin team today who can help find a suitable psychologist to fit your needs.