8 Tips to Survive Tricky Family Relationships this Christmas

02.12.25

December tends to arrive with a certain script: twinkly lights, long lunches, clinking glasses, and family gathered around a table. But in reality, Christmas is often far more complicated. Many people move through the season managing tension, biting their tongue, or bracing for a familiar pattern to repeat itself. The pressure to be cheerful, coupled with old dynamics and crowded calendars, can make complex family relationships feel even heavier at this time of year.

If Christmas brings up mixed feelings for you, like anticipation tinged with dread, you’re not alone. Below are eight practical ways to look after yourself and navigate tricky family moments with a little more steadiness and self-compassion.

1. Start by Noticing What the Season Brings Up for You

Christmas has a way of surfacing emotions we’ve successfully side-stepped all year. Maybe it’s the predictable argument, the relative who makes subtle criticisms or passive aggressive comments, or the loneliness that comes from feeling you are just ‘different’ to others in your family.

One helpful first step is simply naming what you’re feeling. You might notice sadness about unmet expectations, frustration about being misunderstood, or anxiety about how a particular family member might behave. Allowing these feelings to exist, without forcing yourself into holiday cheer, can take some pressure off.

It’s also okay if your emotional experience shifts from year to year. Your relationships, circumstances and needs are constantly changing. Giving yourself permission to feel whatever is there creates space to meet the season more honestly and gently.

2. Clarify What You Want Christmas to Look Like This Year

Before plans become set in stone, pause and consider what you actually want from the holiday period. Do you need more rest than usual? Are you craving low-key connection rather than a full day with extended family? Is spending time with certain people energising—or draining?

Setting an intention for the season can help anchor your decisions. Perhaps that intention is “keep things simple,” “slowing down,” or “protect my emotional energy.” When the day becomes hectic or family dynamics are activated, this intention can act as a touchstone to guide your choices.

3. Choose Boundaries That Protect Your Wellbeing

Christmas often blurs boundaries. Expectations can creep in about how long you “should” stay, what conversations you “should” entertain, what role you tend to play in the family. Boundaries aren’t about creating distance or punishment. They’re about caring for yourself so you can participate in ways that feel sustainable.

Some examples might include:

Time boundaries — choosing to stay for two hours instead of the entire day.
Topic boundaries — gently steering away from subjects that tend to cause hurt.
Practical boundaries — suggesting a neutral location or bringing a friend/partner to feel more supported.
Emotional boundaries — reminding yourself that someone else’s reaction isn’t your responsibility.

If you need to decline an event or leave early, a simple line such as “I’d love to join for lunch, but I’ll head off mid-afternoon to look after myself” can be both respectful and firm.

4. Plan for Predictable Stress Points

Most families have patterns that show up like clockwork. Maybe someone drinks too much, someone else becomes critical, or a long-standing disagreement resurfaces. Preparing in advance can make these moments feel more manageable.

Consider:

Who helps you feel grounded, and can you sit near them?
What’s your “exit plan” if a conversation becomes uncomfortable?
Is there a phrase you can use to change the subject or create breathing space?
Can you take something in your pocket to fidget with? What are other ways you could help regulate stress in the moment?
Engaging in activities that are soothing for your senses to help with emotional regulation, such as short walk, a cup of coffee, or time with a pet.

Having strategies ready doesn’t mean you expect the worst; it simply means you’re caring for yourself proactively.

5. Stay Connected to Your Support System

Even during family-heavy seasons, it’s okay to lean on people outside the family unit. A quick message with a friend, a debrief the next day, or having someone you can text from the bathroom can provide humour, perspective and reassurance.

Chosen family—friends, partners, or communities you feel safe with—can be especially grounding during Christmas. Their presence reminds you that belonging isn’t limited to biological ties.

6. Shift Expectations and Let Go of the “Perfect Christmas”

A lot of holiday stress comes from trying to create an idealised Christmas —one that’s harmonious, joyful, conflict-free, and Instagram-worthy. But real families are messy, human and imperfect. Letting go of the pressure for the day to go “right” can ease tension and free you to focus on what actually matters to you.

You might reframe success for the day as:

Feeling calm more often than not
Connecting meaningfully with one or two people
Protecting your wellbeing and energy
Noticing small moments of enjoyment
Leaving knowing you honoured your needs

Lowering the emotional stakes doesn’t mean lowering your standards of respect or safety; it simply creates more room for the day to unfold without constant self-critique.

Helpful Tip: We have more about managing Christmas expectations here!

7. Respond to Difficult Behaviour with Intention, Not Instinct

It’s normal to feel reactive when a relative makes a loaded comment or brings up a sensitive topic. Old patterns can drag you back into roles you outgrew years ago. Taking a slow breath before responding can help you act in line with your values rather than your frustration.

Some approaches that can be helpful include:

Using “I” statements: “I’d prefer not to talk about that today.”
Neutral statements: “Let’s keep the conversation light—it’s Christmas.”
Naming behaviour gently: “Those comments are hurtful. I’m going to step outside for a minute.”
Redirecting: “I’m not going into that topic, but I’d love to hear about your holiday plans.”

Not every moment requires a response; sometimes the healthiest choice is to step away or protect your peace by choosing silence.

8. Create Your Own Traditions

If Christmas with family feels stressful, you’re allowed to build a version of the season that feels more nurturing. This might look like a quiet brunch with your partner or friend, a beach walk on Christmas Day, volunteering, attending a community event, or hosting a simple dinner with friends who feel like home.

Creating your own traditions doesn’t erase your family history. It simply widens your world so Christmas can reflect who you are now, not who you were growing up.

Holding the Complexity of Christmas

Feeling complexity about family at Christmas time doesn’t make you ungrateful or difficult; it makes you human. The holiday season can hold both joy and grief, connection and tension, nostalgia and discomfort. Approaching Christmas with self-kindness, boundaries and realistic expectations can make space for a more grounded, meaningful experience—even if the day isn’t perfect.

If you’d like more tips on surviving the Christmas period, we also have posts on How to Cope with Triggers and Reducing Eating Disorder Struggles at Christmas. You can also read general tips on How to Deal with Difficult People. Beyond Blue also has some great suggestions on managing Festive Stress.