Should I Stay or Go? How to Know If Your Relationship Is Still Right for You

10.02.25

We all dream of falling in love. They dream of falling head over heels with their perfect person—someone who will complement themselves, like a match made in heaven. You know what I am talking about – the stuff romantic movies are made of!

However, relationships are much more complicated than that. What we see in most romantic movies is the start of the relationship – the honeymoon phase, and what a blissful and wonderful phase to be in

Although, like almost everything else in life, this isn’t forever. People grow and develop, and the relationship progresses.

Sooner or later, we may get to a point where we start to question if this is the right relationship for us. The decision to break up is not an easy one and there are a lot of factors that may contribute to this difficult choice.

Some of these factors may be that you do not want to hurt the other person’s feelings, or maybe you are unsure about how you feel. It can be hard to try and identify if it is just a rough patch or are there bigger issues at play.

We understand the magnitude of this decision, so, we have outlined some things you might want to reflect on to help you navigate this decision.

At a Glance

Before we dive deeper, here’s a quick snapshot of what we’ll cover to help you reflect on your relationship and whether it’s time to move on or work through it:

What a Healthy Relationship Looks Like: Communication, mutual respect, emotional safety, and maintaining independence.
Normalising Doubt and Disconnection: It’s okay to feel uncertain or experience occasional distance — you’re not alone.
Red Flags That May Signal It’s Time to Leave: Feeling unsafe, lack of trust, ongoing conflict, or not being able to envision a shared future.
Questions for Honest Self-Reflection: Consider how you feel in the relationship, what you’re getting out of it, and whether you both want to work on it.
Seeking Support: Talking to a psychologist (like someone from our team at Peaceful Mind Psychology) can offer clarity and help you explore your options in a safe space.

With those key points in mind, let’s take a closer look at how to assess your relationship, what’s normal to experience, and what steps you can take moving forward.

A Healthy Relationship

Before we get any further, it’s important to establish what a healthy relationship looks like. This isn’t going to look the same for everyone as we have all slightly different needs.

There are some qualities that are definitely green flags. Some components of a healthy relationship are; clear and effective communication, mutual respect for one another, and supporting one another whilst also having independence (read more in our blog on what makes a healthy relationship).

Sometimes it can be hard to know whether you have these things in your relationship. So, it’s a good idea to evaluate the health of your relationship.

Are there moments where you feel happy? Where you can laugh? And feel safe (physically, emotionally, and psychologically) with the other person?

Let’s Normalise a Few Things …

Even with a healthy relationship, things don’t always run smoothly. How movies portray relationships, and even what society’s expectations of what a relationship should look like, can impact our own beliefs.

We then compare our relationship to these beliefs, and when we see differences, we can feel like our relationship is wrong or a failure and can make us start to question the relationship.

So, let’s normalise some things. We might not be in love 100% of the time. Actually, there may even be moments of doubt, anxiety, envy, isolation, embarrassment, revolt, annoyance, resentment, and all the other complicated emotions.

All these emotions are part of the human experience and it’s normal to feel them. It’s how we decide to act on these emotions, which is where it really counts.

It is also normal to feel disconnected, find that your partner annoys you at times, wonder about “what if”, and if you (or your partner) find people outside of the relationship attractive (read more about all these things here).

Lastly, it’s normal for there to be differences regarding sexual drive (which is something that people are often less inclined to talk about).

Some Signs It May Be Time to Part Ways

You Don’t Feel Safe

It’s important that we feel safe with our partner in all aspects – physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Any behaviour that leads to you not feeling safe is never okay.

You can visit the National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service website to get more information on this, and if you would prefer to talk to someone, you can call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

Lack of Trust

When there isn’t trust in the relationship, it is extremely hard to form any sort of connection. Trust allows us to be honest and vulnerable within our relationship.

Sometimes there is a good reason that there isn’t trust (like a partner’s infidelity). Other times, it may be something that you are bringing into the relationship, such as childhood experiences of love and acceptance, past rejection, or even your attachment style.

If this sounds like you, this blog post has eight suggestions on how to work towards building more trust!

Constant Conflict

Disagreements will happen within a relationship. However, when this happens often, it may indicate that there is something deeper going on. Three steps to consider when you are experiencing a high level of conflict:

First, we need to understand the reason behind the conflict – what is the problem?
Second, we need to identify if we hold any beliefs around conflict, such as “conflict is bad and means the the relationship has failed”, “conflict is scary and unpredictable”, or “conflict means we are going to break-up”
Lastly, we need to reflect on how we respond to conflict. Are we able to face this head-on and have an honest and vulnerable conversation about our feelings? If the answer is no, you may find that you respond in one of the following ways: get defensive, avoid discussions, shut down, or fall into people-pleasing. Collectively, these are known as the fight, flight, freeze and fawn responses.

These responses are how our body responds to stress. It is understandable that if we hold negative beliefs around conflict, we are going to feel stressed when conflict arises and respond in one of the above ways.

These responses have been wired to help us survive life-threatening situations, not to help us to effectively communicate our feelings and be able to make deep connections with others (things that are very important when navigating conflict).

If you struggle with conflict resolution, you’re not alone, and may benefit from working on this (regardless of what happens in your decision about this relationship).

Can’t See What the Future Holds for You

If you have difficulty imagining a future together, it may be that you don’t share the same long-term goals.

Long-term goals may include what you are both looking for in a relationship, but this can also include broader life areas such as career, finances, health, social connections, education, or community, just to name a few.

When we do know what we want for our future (noting that this can also change), sharing this within our relationship can provide the opportunity for open communication and collaborative planning for the future.

By doing this, we can make sure everyone is on the same page, and if they aren’t, conversations can then explore what this means.

You may be able to find some sort of negotiation on some goals, e.g., one person putting their goal on hold for the short-term with the aim for them to able to work towards this at a later stage in the relationship.

Other times, this conversation may identify that you’re working towards different things and neither person is willing to sacrifice their goals. Although an extremely difficult conversation, it is also a vital one and best to be done as early on in the relationship as possible. If you stay in a relationship where one person is forced to make constant sacrifices, the probability of resentment developing is high, as well as the potential for that person to feel dissatisfied in the relationship or in life.

Still Unsure? Here Are Some Prompts For Reflection

It can be useful to take a step back from your relationship and reflect on where you’re at:

How do you feel in the relationship?
What is working in the relationship? What are some things that your partner does that you do appreciate?
What else is going on in your or your partner’s life outside of the relationship, that may be influencing the relationship?
What do you get out of the relationship? What purpose does it serve?
What isn’t working? (Get as specific as possible here)
If there is conflict, how do you respond to it?
Overall, do you trust your partner?
Do you see a future together?

And probably most important …

Do all parties involved in the relationship want to work on the relationship?

Seeking Guidance

Deciding to potentially break up can be confusing and isolating, especially if the person who used to help you with big decisions was your partner.

But you don’t have to go through this alone.

Sometimes it can be useful to talk to someone that you trust to get a more objective perspective whether that’s a family member, a friend, or a professional who does relationship counselling, such as a psychologist.

A psychologist won’t be able to make this decision for you, but they can provide a safe and non-judgmental space for you to be open and curious about your relationship. They can help you work out how you feel, provide some strategies to help work through any issues that have been raised, and even help you navigate and process the breakup – if that is what you decide.

Our team of psychologists at Peaceful Mind Psychology are well trained and highly experienced in supporting individuals to navigate the complexities of relationships.

A selection of our psychologists are also trained in couples counselling, so they are well equipped to work with both you and your partner if that is what you both wish.

If you are interested in exploring working with a psychologist further, contact our admin team who will be able to answer your questions and provide guidance on what support would suit you best.