How to Manage Social Anxiety: Practical Tips

Updated 1st of September 2026

For something we do every day, socialising can sometimes feel surprisingly complicated. You go into a conversation hoping to enjoy yourself yet somehow end up trying to manage the conversation and monitor yourself at the same time.

“Am I talking too much? Do they think I’m boring? Why did I say that? What am I doing with my hands?”

Even a fairly ordinary social event can start to feel like a performance. You’re trying to say the right thing, appear relaxed and make sure you haven’t accidentally offended anyone. Meanwhile, your body may be joining in with a racing heart, dry mouth, flushed cheeks or that inconvenient tendency to suddenly forget how normal conversation works.

Then you finally get home…and your brain wants to discuss it.

You replay the joke that didn’t quite land. You wonder whether you talked about yourself too much. You remember that slightly strange thing you said at 7:42pm and decide everyone else is probably still thinking about it too.

If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing social anxiety.

Thankfully, socialising doesn’t always have to feel like this much work. There are some simple things you can practise to spend less time worrying about how you’re coming across, and more time actually enjoying the people you’re with. Here are some to try!

Reduce Avoidance Behaviours

You’ve agreed to go to a party on Saturday. Saturday arrives, and suddenly, the couch looks very appealing.

You start considering your options. You could say you’re tired. You could say you have a headache. Maybe you really are feeling a bit tired…

Avoiding something you’re anxious about usually feels good in the moment. But it can also reinforce the idea that the situation really was something you couldn’t handle, making the anxiety worst over time.

This doesn’t mean saying yes to every invitation. Sometimes the couch really is where you want to be, and that’s okay.

The important part is noticing who’s making the decision: you or your anxiety. If anxiety is calling the shots, it might be worth going, nerves and all, and giving yourself the chance to see what happens.

Ask Yourself: “Am I Mind Reading?”

Social anxiety has an impressive ability to turn us into terrible mind readers.

• Someone looks away while you’re talking and suddenly: “I’m boring them”
• A friend takes longer than usual to reply: “I’ve annoyed them”
• Someone at work seems a little abrupt: “They don’t like me”

Our anxiety can lead us to that conclusion so quickly that it can feel like a fact. But do you actually know what the other person is thinking?

If you know this is something you do, try catching yourself in the moment and asking, “Am I mind reading right now?”. Mind reading is an example of a cognitive distortion, which is basically an unhelpful way of thinking which can become a pattern.

The problem with mind reading is that there can be so many other explanations for what you’re noticing. maybe they were distracted, tired, worrying about something completely unrelated to you, or maybe you simply have no idea what they’re thinking.

Now, you don’t need to replace “They think I’m boring” with “They definitely think I’m wonderful!”. That’s just another guess.

Sometimes the most helpful answer is simply telling yourself: “I don’t know”.

Because unless you’ve suddenly developed the ability to read minds, you really don’t know. “I don’t know” might feel a little uncertain, but it’s usually a much more realistic and kinder place to land than letting anxiety fill in the blanks with the worst possible answer.

Practice Being Present

If you’re afflicted by social anxiety, you may tend to get distracted by analysing and evaluating social interactions and your performance as they are unfolding.

This is extremely counterproductive as it prevents a natural social exchange and genuine connection. Cognitive psychologists describe our attentional capacity as a spotlight, that we can control. When you feel yourself becoming anxious and ruminating on how you come across, actively shift the spotlight from yourself to the other person.

In shifting your focus to the other person and away from yourself, you are opening the opportunity to bond.

Learn a Breathing Exercise

Sometimes your body decides there is a social emergency before you do.

Your heart starts pounding. You feel hot. Your mouth goes dry. Your breathing gets faster. Then you notice all of this happening and think, “Oh no. Can everyone else see this too?”. And now you’re anxious about being anxious.

In these moments, this is where a breathing exercise can help.

Think of a breathing exercise as pressing pause on your body’s alarm system. Try slowing your breathing rather than taking big, deep breaths. Let your breathing become regular and, if it feels comfortable, make your exhale slightly longer than your inhale.

You don’t need to get rid of the anxiety before you keep talking. Your body can be doing its anxious thing while you stay in the conversation. Learning to slow and regulate your breathing can also be helpful if your anxiety tips over into a panic attack, when rapid breathing can intensify some of those frightening physical sensations.

Ask Yourself: “What’s The Worst That Can Happen?”

Before an upcoming social event, you might find yourself imagining all the ways it could go wrong: “What if I have nothing to say? What if I say something stupid? What if it’s awkward? What if I embarrass myself?”

All this, and you haven’t even left the house yet.

Instead of getting caught up in this unhelpful anxiety spiral, try asking yourself: “What’s the worst that can realistically happen?”

Maybe there’s an awkward silence. Maybe you tell a story that goes nowhere. Maybe you forget someone’s name and have to ask again. None of these moments are particularly enjoyable, but they’re probably also not the social disaster your anxiety has built them up to be.

Asking yourself what could actually happen can take some of the pressure off. You don’t have to get every conversation right for it to go well. You just need to trust that if something awkward happens, that you will be able to handle it.

Embrace Your Faux Pas

Humans crave humanity. Nobody wants to talk to someone who is actually ‘perfect’ – that would be uncomfortable, intimidating and at best, boring! Faux pars are a part of socialising for everyone, and people are very forgiving of social mistakes as most humans assume others are good intended.

So, the next time you’re going into a social situation you’re anxious about, instead of thinking ‘I hope I don’t say something silly’, try to see mistakes or flaws as a piece of humanity that the other person will appreciate. Of course, letting go of perfection and embracing our imperfections can be easier said than done, particularly when we’re so used to believing our flaws are things we should hide.

Give Yourself Credit

Yes, you, as you are only as different and flawed as the extrovert next door. Embrace that your shy and timid nature, or loud and sightly disinhibited style, is a fundamental and interesting part of you, just as much as your blue eyes, black hair, or slighter bigger left foot.

You may find yourself envying the extrovert next door and have your sights set on ridding yourself of social anxiety completely, but this is an unrealistic and unhelpful standard. Accept you may not be the socially charismatic star of the show, but give yourself credit for challenging your social anxiety by showing up to social situations.

You Don’t Have To Get It Right

Here’s the thing: you probably will say something awkward again. You’ll have conversations that don’t flow. You might walk away from an interaction and wish you’d said something differently.

So will everyone else.

Managing social anxiety isn’t about making sure those moments never happen. It’s about becoming less afraid of them when they do, and not letting the possibility of feeling awkward stop you from having the conversations, friendships and experiences you actually want.

You don’t have to be fearless. You just want anxiety to have a little less say.

~

Wanting to know more about social anxiety? We highly recommend listening to Dr Emily’s episode on The Imperfects Podcast, Social Anxiety, They’ve Got It Too.

Tried some of these tips but still finding social anxiety difficult to manage? Sometimes a little extra support can help. Our psychologists are experienced in evidence-based treatments for social anxiety, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for social anxiety. If you’re ready to explore this further, you can reach out to our team to find a psychologist who suits your needs.