It can be difficult to define when you might seek help for your relationship. For some couples, it may be when they struggle to be together without having an argument. While others may seek relationship help for a big decision they need to make – for example, whether to try for a baby or not. While the decision to seek relationship help is very personal and differs between couples, there are some signs that indicate relationship help would be…. well, helpful!
Signs that my relationship needs help
Feeling exhausted with arguing? Questioning the longevity of the relationship? Starting to give up? You may be losing hope in your relationship and need some help getting your relationship back on track.
It’s normal in a relationship to argue, and occasionally “crack it” – for example, you may raise your voice and walk out of the room in a huff. However, if you have explosive arguments that reoccur, it may be time to get some help. For example, you may struggle to maintain reason in arguments and “fire up” easily – you may yell, make harsh accusations (e.g. “you’re so selfish!”) and struggle to listen to your partner.
Threats of leaving.
If you feel helpless in your relationship, you may make threats of leaving your partner – “I’m done!” or “I want a divorce!”. Helplessness is a sign that you’re struggling to communicate and understand each other. It can also mean you’re both not seeing eye to eye on a particular topic, behaviour or value.
When distance grows in a relationship, it can indicate difficulty or discomfort with being close. For example, you may find your partner is resistant to affection. Or, communication may deteriorate.
If you or your partner experiences insecurity in your relationship, it may be time to seek support. Relationship insecurity can be experienced in a few ways. You may feel anxious: wish you could spend more time with your partner, worry about their commitment, fear they are being unfaithful, and long for more affection. Relationship insecurity can also be experienced as a discomfort with closeness and intimacy: you may find reasons why your partner may not be right for you.
Continuing to butt heads.
Can’t agree on anything? You may be bickering a lot, and struggle to be in-sync with each other. This can make small things, like planning your Sunday outing, exhausting and frustrating!
At a crossroad on a major life decision.
Sometimes couples find themselves at crossroads for a major life decision – for example, what country to live in or whether to try for a baby or not. This can make the couple feel helpless, but a relationship counsellor can help the couple work through the decision.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, it’s important to immediately reach out to a health professional, like your GP or psychologist. Domestic violence includes physical, sexual, financial, verbal, reproductive and emotional abuse. If you are unsure of what to do next or would like to talk to someone about your situation, you can call confidential 24 hour helpline: 1800 RESPECT.
Relationship help can include couples counselling and or individual counselling for one person or both people in the relationship. Usually help is sought for an individual when they are struggling with something that is contributing to their relationship difficulties. For example, if one person in the relationship is struggling with depression they might seek individual support. Couples therapy treats the couple as a “whole”: The therapist will try to change the whole ‘system’ of relating.
How can Peaceful Mind Psychology help?
We are a team of warm and professional psychologists based in Melbourne, who are well trained and experienced in helping individuals improve their relationship functioning through couples therapy. We help our clients achieve satisfaction in their relationships, improve their confidence, feel secure and gain control over their relationship behaviours. If you would like some professional assistance contact us at Peaceful Mind Psychology.