5 Things That Are Completely Normal During Sex
Sex can be awkward, messy, funny. Sometimes deeply connecting, and sometimes interrupted by a sudden cramp, a weird noise, or someone needing to stop and pee. Yet most of us grow up seeing sex portrayed as polished, seamless, and impossibly sexy. Nobody is sweaty in an unflattering way. Nobody accidentally elbows someone in the face. Nobody pauses because their leg has gone numb.
I was recently watching a TV show where two characters were having spontaneous, passionate sex that somehow involved zero awkwardness, zero communication, and what appeared to be Olympic-level stamina. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, knowing how unrealistic it was.
I then started thinking about what realistic sex actually is, and noticed myself feeling uncomfortable being faced with some of those facts. The strange noises, the funny faces, the pauses. I realised how I had internalised ideas about what sex is “meant” to look like.
A lot of our understanding about sex comes from movies, TV shows, social media, and pornography. These often show highly romanticised or performative sex designed for entertainment. The more human parts get cut out, but those human parts are sex. And when we feel ashamed of them, it can pull us out of the moment, disconnect us from our bodies, and create unnecessary anxiety with partners.
So let’s talk about five things that are actually very normal during sex.
1. The Faces You Make
Very few people look effortlessly attractive while orgasming. There’s even a scene in the Netflix series Sex Education where a character becomes so insecure about her “O face” that she and her partner distort their faces with sticky tape during sex so hers will seem less embarrassing by comparison.
It’s funny because it taps into something real. Many people worry about how they look during sex rather than how they feel. Bodies contort, eyes roll back, mouths hang open. Sometimes people look deeply concentrated or even possessed. That’s normal.
When we focus too much on performing attractiveness, we can end up observing ourselves from the outside instead of being present in the experience itself. This can result in less connection, enjoyment and pleasure – the opposite of what most people are going for with sex!
2. The Noises
Sex is noisy. And not always in the cinematic, breathy moaning kind of way. Bodies slap together, stomachs gurgle, knees crack, and vaginas queef. Most of these things are simply bodies moving and responding naturally.
Yet people often feel intense embarrassment when these moments happen. Queefing in particular is something many people feel ashamed of, despite it being an incredibly normal result of air moving in and out of the vagina during penetration.
Sometimes the most connecting moments in sex are when both people can laugh together instead of pretending nothing happened. Sex doesn’t have to be deadly serious to be intimate.
3. Body Hair
Despite what advertising, pornography, and beauty culture might suggest, adults naturally grow body hair. Pubic, leg, armpit, butt and back hair. Many people carry anxiety about whether they are “maintained” enough for sex, especially if they weren’t expecting things to become intimate.
But most people are far less focused on your body hair than you think they are. When shame around body hair becomes intense, it can stop us from initiating sex, enjoying touch, or feeling comfortable being seen naked at all.
Bodies are not supposed to look airbrushed in real life. They are supposed to look human.
4. Erections and Lubrication Can Change
Sometimes penises go soft during sex. Sometimes vaginas feel dry. This can happen for bigger reasons like stress, trauma, anxiety, medication side effects, erectile dysfunction, menopause, or not feeling emotionally safe.
But it can also happen for very ordinary reasons. Maybe someone got distracted, a position became uncomfortable, physical sensation changed, or someone suddenly became self conscious.
These moments don’t automatically mean lack of attraction, lack of desire, or failure. Bodies are responsive, not mechanical.
What matters is how everyone responds when these moments happen. Using lubricant, changing activities, focusing on kissing or touch, or moving away from genital focused sex altogether can reduce pressure and create more connection.
Sex doesn’t have to follow a rigid script of foreplay, penetration, orgasm, done (in fact, sex doesn’t have to involve orgasms or penetration at all!). And it can pause, restart, and change direction entirely.
5. Taking Breaks
People often assume “good sex” should be uninterrupted and endlessly passionate.
In reality, many people need breaks. Someone might need water, a toilet break, or to stretch out a cramping hip. Someone may need to reposition because their neck hurts or they might simply stop because they don’t want any more stimulation.
None of this ruins sex. In fact, being able to pause and communicate comfortably often reflects a greater sense of safety and ease with each other.
There can be pressure to stay “in the mood” at all costs, as though stopping for thirty seconds will destroy the entire experience. But real intimacy often includes flexibility, communication, and adapting to each other’s bodies in real time.
So What Helps?
It can be useful to reflect on where your beliefs about sex came from.
How do you feel about needing a drink break during sex? About making noise? About your body hair? About a partner seeing you in an awkward position, or seeing your body full stop?
And where did those ideas come from?
Talking openly with a partner can also help reduce shame. Sometimes the things we feel deeply embarrassed about barely register for the other person. Bringing insecurities into the open can create reassurance, understanding, and even shared humour.
A helpful way to bring something up might be, “I know this probably sounds silly, but I get really self conscious about xyz during sex.”
A lot of us learned about sex through entertainment that prioritised performance over reality. So when real bodies do real body things, we think something has gone wrong. But often, nothing is wrong at all. Sometimes realistic sex is messy, funny, awkward, tender, interrupted, or all of these at once.
Imperfect sex is usually a sign that real people are involved.
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If you’d like to read about one more thing that’s completely normal in sexual relationships, see our blog, Desire Discrepancy: An Unspoken Challenge in Relationships. Or, you might be interested in learning about The Kinky Myths We Need to Finally Put To Bed. If you’re interested in further reading on sexual health and intimacy, Our Bodies Ourselves is also a great source of information.