Understanding Parental Burnout and How to Find Relief

03.02.26

This week, students are returning to school for the start of Term One, having reached the end of the longest holiday period in the year. Reflecting on my friends’, family members’, and clients’ response to this fact highlights just how complex the emotions that come with this time are.

There’s the bittersweet ‘my baby is all grown up!!’, coupled with adorable images of proud children in too big uniforms and backpacks. There’s a sense of ‘here we go again’ for veterans of the school year, or vicarious trepidation for parents of students entering their final VCE years. And then, for many, there’s at least a dose of relief, quickly followed by guilt.

Parenthood is often rewarding, meaningful, and deeply important. It is also relentless. When the mental, emotional, and physical load of caring for children begins to outweigh your capacity to recover, parental burnout can take hold.

Parental burnout isn’t a personal failing or a sign you’re “not cut out” for parenting. It’s a predictable response to sustained stress, high responsibility, and insufficient support.

Understanding what’s happening, and knowing how to respond, can be a powerful first step toward relief.

What Is Parental Burnout?

Parental burnout refers to a state of chronic exhaustion related specifically to the parenting role. It tends to show up as a combination of:

Emotional and physical exhaustion that rest doesn’t seem to fix
Feeling detached or numb in your parenting role
Irritability or resentment, often followed by guilt
A sense of inadequacy, despite trying very hard

Unlike general stress, burnout is less about a bad week and more about a prolonged mismatch between demands and resources. Many parents experiencing burnout are highly committed, conscientious, and deeply invested in doing a good job – which can ironically increase risk.

Why Burnout Happens (Even to “Good” Parents)

Modern parenting involves an invisible mental load, the majority of which is most often carried by women: remembering appointments, anticipating emotional needs, managing logistics, and constantly self-monitoring your parenting choices.

Add work pressures, financial stress, limited village-style support, or caring for a child with additional needs, and the system easily becomes unsustainable.

Burnout thrives in environments where:

Expectations are high and unrelenting
Support is inconsistent or absent
Rest feels undeserved or impossible

Understanding burnout as a systemic issue – not an individual flaw – can help reduce shame and open the door to change.

Psychological Strategies to Ease Parental Burnout

Burnout recovery isn’t about adding more tasks to an already full plate. It’s about rebalancing the system.

1. Let Go of the Myth of Perfect Parenting

Burnout often flourishes alongside perfectionism. Children do not need endlessly patient, fully resourced parents. They need good enough adults who repair, model self-care, and show that limits are human and ok.

Back in the 1950s, paediatrician and psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott started the ball rolling on what is today considered the ‘theory of good enough parenting’. This theory explores how, paradoxically, easing unrealistic expectations can improve both parental wellbeing and child outcomes.

2. Shift From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion

Burnout is often maintained by a harsh internal narrative: I should be coping better, other parents manage this, why can’t I? I’m failing. Research consistently shows that self-compassion supports resilience far more effectively than self-criticism.

Try gently asking:

What would I say to a friend in my position?
What makes sense about feeling this way, given my circumstances?

This isn’t about lowering standards. It’s about removing unnecessary emotional punishment.

Top Tip: Read more tips about how to practice self-compassion here.

3. Create Micro-Moments of Recovery

When full breaks aren’t feasible, micro-recovery becomes essential. Even short moments of regulation can help reset the nervous system:

Stepping outside for a moment of fresh air
Pausing for slow, intentional breathing for a few minutes
Briefly engaging in something absorbing or pleasant

Whether in the car, the bathroom, or somewhere else you can take a break, these moments won’t eliminate burnout on their own, but they help prevent further depletion. Make sure the kids are safe, then give yourself permission to be unavailable for a moment.

4. Reduce the “Always On” Mental Load

Many parents never fully switch off. One evidence-informed strategy is externalising responsibility – getting tasks out of your head and into shared systems. This might include:

Shared calendars or visible task lists
Letting routines be “good enough” rather than optimal
Explicitly renegotiating who holds which responsibilities

Relief often comes not from doing less parenting, but from doing less thinking about parenting.

Top Tip: A good way of exploring who takes on the load of parenting is the use of Fair Play cards, which can spark both the conversation of responsibilities within the family, and help redistribute load.

5. Ask for (and Accept) Support

Burnout thrives in isolation. Support might look like:

Practical help with childcare or household tasks, to reduce stress and volume of tasks
Talking about how you feel with trusted people, to reduce shame and understand that you’re not alone in these feelings
Professional support, to unpack patterns and pressures

Seeking help is not a sign that things are “really bad”. It’s a proactive response to sustained strain.

When Burnout Feels Like More Than Exhaustion

If burnout is accompanied by persistent low mood, anxiety, anger that feels hard to control, or thoughts of wanting to escape entirely, it may be time to seek additional support. These experiences are more common than many parents realise, and help is available.

We have many psychologists at our practice who have a particular interest in supporting parents. A psychologist can help you:

Understand the factors contributing to burnout
Develop strategies tailored to your family context
Rebuild capacity without adding pressure or blame

And yes, if you have a young child and no one to look after them for the time of your appointment, you can bring them with you. Telehealth from home might also be a more accessible option.

You’re Not Alone in This

Parental burnout doesn’t mean you don’t love your children. It means you’re human in a role that asks a great deal. With understanding, support, and realistic adjustments, relief is possible, and parenting can begin to feel more sustainable again.

If you struggle with overwhelm, you might like to read about learning to say ‘no’ to help reduce build up of expectations. You may also like to read (or listen to if that’s easier to find the time!) The Good Enough Parent to help challenge your expectations of your own parenting. Further resources to support parents can be found here.