Self-Care: Why It Can Be Difficult and Where to Start

Updated 13th of October 2026

When you hear the term self-care, what comes to mind? Perhaps it’s taking a relaxing bath, booking a massage or treating yourself to something nice. While these activities can certainly be forms of self-care, looking after ourselves involves much more than the occasional moment of relaxation.

At its core, self-care is about recognising and responding to our physical, emotional and psychological needs. Regularly attending to these needs can help us manage stress, support our emotional wellbeing and navigate the demands of everyday life. Sometimes, this might involve doing something enjoyable, while other times it might mean setting a boundary, asking for support or simply making sure we’ve eaten a proper meal.

Despite its importance, self-care isn’t always easy to prioritise. Between work, relationships, family commitments and the many demands of everyday life, our own needs can quickly fall to the bottom of the list.

There are also times when, even if we have the opportunity to look after ourselves, finding the energy or motivation to do so can be difficult.

Why Can Self-Care Be So Difficult?

While we might recognise the importance of looking after ourselves, putting this into practice isn’t always easy. For many of us, prioritising others, pushing through exhaustion or putting our own needs aside can become such familiar habits that we don’t always recognise when we’re neglecting ourselves.

There can also be certain beliefs or expectations that make self-care difficult. We might feel guilty about taking time for ourselves, believe that rest needs to be earned or feel that we should always be doing something productive. Sometimes, we might not even recognise what we need, particularly when we’ve become accustomed to ignoring signs of stress or exhaustion.

We might also have unrealistic expectations about what self-care should look like, believing that it requires more time, energy or effort than we have available. As a result, looking after ourselves can feel like another task to add to our to-do list, rather than something that supports our wellbeing.

And when we’re struggling with our mental health, these difficulties can become even more pronounced.

Depression and Self-Care

 Self-care is often one of the first things to fall away, when we are struggling. This is particularly true for people experiencing depression, where symptoms such as low energy, reduced motivation and a loss of interest in things we once enjoyed can make even the simplest everyday tasks, such as getting out of bed, having a shower or preparing a meal, feel overwhelming.

Unfortunately, this can create a difficult cycle. Depression can make it harder to look after ourselves, but when we stop doing the things that support our wellbeing, we can end up feeling even worse. For example, when we stop exercising, spending time with loved ones or engaging in activities we enjoy, we miss out on opportunities to experience enjoyment, connection and a sense of accomplishment. Over time, this can contribute to further feelings of low mood, reduced energy and motivation, making it even harder to look after ourselves.

This is why self-care can be such an important first step in recovering from depression. While it might feel incredibly difficult to begin with, gradually returning to small, everyday activities can help us break this cycle. Importantly, we don’t always need to wait until we’re feeling better to start looking after ourselves. Sometimes, it’s taking those first small steps that can help us begin to feel better.

How to Break the Cycle

In psychology, an evidence-based approach known as behavioural activation can help us begin breaking this cycle. Behavioural activation involves gradually reintroducing meaningful, enjoyable or necessary activities into our lives. While we often assume that we need to feel motivated before taking action, motivation doesn’t always come first. Instead, taking action, even when we don’t initially feel like it, can help create opportunities for improvements in our mood and motivation.

The key is to start small and build gradually, at a pace that feels manageable. Rather than trying to change everything at once, we might begin with one manageable step, such as getting out of bed at a consistent time, preparing breakfast or spending a few minutes outside. These small actions can help us re-establish routines and build a sense of accomplishment, allowing us to gradually introduce other activities that support our wellbeing.

Self-Care Isn’t Always About Doing More

Importantly, self-care isn’t always about doing more. For someone experiencing depression who has withdrawn from their usual activities, self-care might involve gradually reintroducing structure, social connection or enjoyable experiences into their day.

On the other hand, someone experiencing stress or burnout who is constantly pushing themselves might benefit from slowing down, setting boundaries or allowing themselves more time to rest. Ultimately, self-care is about recognising what we need and finding ways to respond to those needs.

Whatever self-care looks like for us, it’s important to approach it with patience and self-compassion. Some days will be harder than others, and what feels achievable one day might feel overwhelming the next. Rather than pushing ourselves beyond our limits, we can focus on what feels manageable in the moment.

What Does Self-Care Look Like in Everyday Life?

Self-care doesn’t need to involve expensive activities, elaborate routines or large amounts of free time. Often, it’s the small, everyday actions that can make a meaningful difference to our wellbeing.

Here are some ways we can begin looking after our physical, emotional and social needs.

Looking After Our Physical Needs

Our physical and psychological wellbeing are closely connected. Attending to our basic physical needs can help support our energy, concentration and emotional wellbeing.

This might involve:

• Establishing a relatively consistent sleep routine.
• Eating regular, nourishing meals.
• Incorporating enjoyable movement into our day.
• Attending to personal hygiene and recognising when we need rest.

Looking After Our Emotional Needs

Emotional self-care involves recognising and responding to our feelings, rather than constantly pushing them aside.

This might involve:

• Taking a moment to check in with how we’re feeling and what we might need.
• Allowing ourselves to experience difficult emotions without judgement.
• Practising self-compassion rather than harsh self-criticism.
• Engage in activities that are calming or soothing for our senses

Looking After Our Social Needs

Our relationships can play an important role in supporting our psychological wellbeing. However, social self-care isn’t simply about spending more time with others; it’s also about recognising what we need from our relationships.

This might involve:

• Making time to connect with supportive friends or family.
• Reaching out for support when we’re struggling.
• Setting boundaries when we’re feeling overwhelmed by learning say no.
• Allowing ourselves time alone when we need to recharge.

When considering how to incorporate self-care into our everyday lives, it can be helpful to start by checking in with ourselves. Are we feeling physically exhausted? Emotionally overwhelmed? Disconnected from others? Recognising what we need can help us identify which forms of self-care might be most supportive.

From there, we can consider small ways to incorporate these activities into our existing routines, rather than trying to change everything at once. The aim isn’t to create another expectation to meet, but to find realistic and sustainable ways to support our wellbeing.

A Final Thought

Looking after ourselves doesn’t always come naturally, particularly when we’re navigating stress, competing responsibilities or mental health difficulties. Rather than focusing on everything we feel we should be doing, perhaps a more helpful place to start is by asking ourselves, “What do I need right now, and what’s one small thing I can do to support myself?”

Remember, self-care doesn’t need to be elaborate or perfect to be meaningful. Even small acts of care can be an opportunity to recognise that our needs matter.

If looking after yourself feels particularly difficult, you don’t have to navigate that alone. Working with a psychologist can help you better understand the barriers to self-care and develop ways of supporting your wellbeing that feel realistic and sustainable. If you would like some support with this, contact our friendly team today to find out how we can help.

~

Looking for more? James Clear’s book Atomic Habits is a great starting point for learning how to build small, sustainable habits that can help make self-care a more consistent and manageable part of everyday life.