Why Won’t My Child Eat? Anorexia Meal Support

29.06.18

The most painful experience for a parent is watching their child starve. After all, all you want to do is help your child grow and thrive. Instead, with anorexia nervosa, you watch your child waste away.

What is perhaps even harder is seeing their personality shift. Someone who is hungry and malnourished is naturally more irritable and less tolerant. Any parent in this position naturally feels desperate. You will do anything to see your child eat again. Naturally, you may try:

Threats such as: “if you don’t eat your dinner, you cannot watch TV”.
Yelling at your child to eat.
Holding your breath and trying to be patient.

And none of this works.

Or at least, in the long term, these methods don’t work.

You’re not alone. Many parents face this challenge, and it is widely recognised as a difficult one.

So, what can you do?

First, it’s important to understand why your child with anorexia nervosa is not eating. Whilst the underlying drive may differ between individuals, most people with anorexia nervosa experience an intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat. Think “fear of spiders”, “fear of heights”, and now think about a “fear of fat”. As would be expected, this fear often goes hand in hand with anxiety around food and eating. So when your child with anorexia nervosa is around food or about to eat, they will feel anxious, or even panicked if the challenge seems too large (perhaps similar to how someone with a fear of heights might feel before a bungee jump).

Just like anyone who is facing their worst fear, your child will naturally resist and push back, and scream if they feel too pressured.

For further information about anorexia nervosa, including symptoms, causes and treatment options, the Butterfly Foundation’s guide to anorexia nervosa is an excellent Australian resource for parents and families.

The good news?

Fears can be overcome.

Next steps…

Get help. Depending on how severe your child’s anorexia nervosa is, a hospital admission may be necessary, or a dietitian, psychologist, psychiatrist and/or GP may support them privately or publicly. Start with your GP and ask them what the best next steps are.

If your child does not require a hospital admission, work with a psychologist and dietitian to stick to a meal plan agreed upon with your child. Like addressing any phobia, the meal plan will need to be challenging, but not too challenging. If it is too challenging, your child may become overwhelmed with anxiety, which can affect future treatment efforts. The meal plan will also need to include foods that are reasonably challenging, while recognising that some foods (for example, chocolate) may feel too overwhelming initially.

The psychologist working with your family will guide you on mealtimes and how to approach them. The approach will also depend on the severity of your child’s anorexia.

To learn more about eating disorders and some of the factors that may contribute to their development, you may also find our article, Eating Disorders Surge During the Pandemic, helpful.

How to start supporting my child with anorexia to eat?

Here are a few helpful tips on how you can start to support your child with anorexia at mealtimes:

When intensely scared, people respond best to gentle and calm encouragement. Showing frustration and anger will increase fear.
Distraction can help. Play a game at the table that requires concentration.
Role model normal eating. Eat with your child and eat the same amount or more. Ensure every other family member is also role modelling healthy eating behaviours.
Motivate if they struggle to complete the challenge. Remind them of their reasons for recovery (if they are at this stage).
Be firm with the agreed meal plan. Don’t negotiate. You might feel harsh, but this is often better for your child in the long term. If they try to negotiate parts of the meal with you, be firm and say, “I’ve stuck to the agreement as best I can. Any issues can be discussed with our dietitian next week”.

How can Peaceful Mind Psychology help?

We are a team of warm and empathic psychologists based in Melbourne, who share a special interest in eating disorders and eating difficulties, including anorexia nervosa and bulimia. Our psychologists have experience working with eating disorders in private settings, as well as in hospitals. If you would like some professional assistance, contact us at Peaceful Mind Psychology. You may also find our article, Eating Disorder Help in Melbourne: What’s Out There?, helpful for understanding some of the treatment and support options available for eating disorders in Melbourne.

We offer appointments from our clinics in Armadale, Hawthorn, Prahran and Glen Iris, as well as online therapy across Australia via telehealth.

To learn more or book an appointment, contact our team on 1300 766 870.