Viruses, Eating Disorders, and the Body’s Memory

“Barley or noodle?”

This is the text I sent to a dear friend after hearing she’d come down with a double whammy: influenza A and COVID. It’s day seven now, and she hasn’t even made it to the ‘walk around the block’ phase of recovery. I am well, with the day off, so I decide to make her the exact thing I’d want someone to make me if I were in her situation.

My friend is a true stoic, especially when she’s sick. She doesn’t like to fuss or be fussed over. She’s patient and thorough. The kind of person who makes stock from scratch and grows her own herbs so she doesn’t have to buy them from the supermarket. 

She puts her head down and gets things done, but always, always with a smile. Sometimes, I watch her working full-time, studying at night, playing team sport, and organising social events, and I marvel. It’s the life I often try (and frequently fail) to emulate.

When Illness Takes Up Residence

It is therefore disquieting to find her in the state she’s in when I drop off her soup (made with the nicest kind of store-bought stock I could find). There’s a quiet depletion about her, and a sadness I haven’t seen before. This isn’t the typical sadness of illness, it feels older, deeper, far beneath the surface.

Our interaction is brief. She’s pale, wrapped in the mohair blanket I remember her unwrapping on her birthday last year. I remain outside, on the doorstep, conscious of the icy wind blowing into her already hard-to-heat house.

Later that evening, my phone lights up with a photo: a happier, healthier version of her. I take the call. At first, I think it’s a pocket dial. Then I realise she’s crying. She tells me she feels pulled back. That is, into an old version of herself.

The Body Remembers

It would now be an appropriate time to tell you that my stoic friend once had a pretty terrible time with an eating disorder. It robbed her of several years, and nearly her life. But she beat it and came out the other side stronger.

At first, I think this is what she’s telling me: that maybe she’s relapsed. But no, it’s something else. She says it took her all day to realise, but this bout of sickness has stirred something uncomfortable in her, something she doesn’t know what to do with. Not thoughts exactly, but body memories: old echoes of her eating disorder she’s usually free from, which were now resurfacing without warning.

She tells me it all feels so familiar: the forced rest, the lack of control, the stillness and solitude that’s starting to feel endless. It wasn’t until she made a piece of toast earlier, only to throw it out and break down in tears over the bin, that something clicked. Something in this behaviour. The subsequent frustration. She got online and started reading.

It was a relief to learn it wasn’t just in her head. There was something real going on, something biological. 

The Science Behind the Feelings

According to research, there’s a scientific explanation for what my friend was experiencing. When your immune system is fighting infection, it releases cytokines — small proteins that act like messengers between immune cells. Their job is to help the body heal: they signal inflammation, encourage rest, and direct energy toward repair.

But these same cytokines also affect the brain. They interact with areas that regulate mood and appetite, altering neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine. The result is what researchers call sickness behaviour — a cluster of symptoms including fatigue, low mood, social withdrawal, and appetite loss. In other words, that strange flatness and disinterest in food is not “all in your head” — it’s a well-recognised biological response.

Touching A Nerve

For someone with a history of an eating disorder, though, these changes can feel unsettlingly familiar. Reduced appetite may echo the early stages of restriction, while the enforced rest and perceived loss of control can stir old patterns of thought or body memories. This doesn’t mean a relapse — it’s the immune system temporarily altering brain and body rhythms. Still, it can be confronting when echoes of the past resurface without warning.

The reassuring part is that these symptoms ease as the body recovers. They are not a sign of going backwards, but rather a reflection of how intricately our immune system and brain are connected.

A Message to Our Community

I suppose I’m sharing this with you, reader, because I’ve never witnessed my steadfast friend so quietly undone. As the weather continues to fluctuate and bugs continue to circulate, I’m sure she’s not alone in feeling this subtle tipping. Maybe you’re feeling it too, and maybe it doesn’t make sense yet. Maybe there’s memories stirring, an old story waking up in the body.

If you’re fighting a virus and are in treatment or recovery from an eating disorder, these symptoms might sound familiar. If they do, please know this: It’s not your fault, and your experience is valid. There’s something extra happening on a biological level, and it will pass. But it can be confronting, so please be extra gentle with yourself. And if you can, talk to someone you trust. You don’t have to go through it alone.

Some gentle tips if you’re feeling this way:

• Rest, even if it feels uncomfortable. It’s very sensible to pause.
• Nourish your body in small increments: a warm drink, a piece of toast, order a pho and have it dropped on your doorstep.
• Stay connected: send a message, take a call, ask for help, let someone in.
• Remind yourself: this is your body remembering. It doesn’t mean you’re going backwards.
• If the feelings persist or become overwhelming, reach out to your GP, psychologist, or an eating disorder support service. You deserve support.

 

If you are worried you might be relapsing with your eating disorder journey, remember it’s normal to take a step backwards if you find yourself being triggered by a vulnerable situation like being sick. The NEDC has a great resource to help you distinguish between a lapse and a relapse, and some starting tips to help get your recovery back on track. If you need some extra support on your journey, we have many psychologists who work with body image and disordered eating concerns. Reach out to us to discuss how we can help.